Resources
Domestic violence and abuse prevention.
Domestic Violence Resources
Why didn't she just leave?
Now, I tell everyone I talk to about it all the time to bring awareness and change. That is what Phoebe would want me to do.
Why did not not leave.
If you are being abused, you can get the help you need and you can get it started right now simply by calling [FIRST 911 if your life is in immediate danger] or the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233.
The hardest pill for many to swallow is that a victim of domestic abuse is just as likely to be a sister, friend, cousin, or anyone you know suffering in silence. [Phoebe was someone you would think was too smart to put up with the abuse. In her diary, she kept hoping that her husband would change because she loved him. When he was nice, he was extremely nice. I remember seeing him ironing her dress for a function one time. However, when he was angry, he was extremely violent. She was living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.] Sometimes, those closest to the victim don’t see the problem until it is too late, or sometimes we can be so busy with our own lives that we fail to see the signs. [We knew that they had arguments, but we did not know that he was abusing her.]
Mental and physical toll.
Domestic violence effects battered women mentally. Battered women’s symptoms may include chronic pain, poor sleep, headaches, abdominal and gynecologic problems, depression, anxiety, alcohol or drug abuse and even suicide attempts. The victim becomes emotionally and physically stuck, living in fear, scared to stay and scared to leave. Please talk to abuse professionals, local authorities and trusted family members in your community to develop a safety plan before leaving the mate. [We are in a different age now. There are people out there to help.]
Domestic violence is also child abuse. It affects the children’s productivity in school and also affects the workplace or church attendance, such as lack of attendance, eating disorders and the ability to concentrate. Sometimes the abuser shows up at work. [After Phoebe’s death, her coworkers said that her husband would call her office phone repeatedly when he was upset with her. This made her nervous, and she was not able to function properly at work.]
Community involvement.
If you hear your neighbor being abuse, call 911. It doesn’t matter if it is the umpteen time. It might be the last time for the victim. There is more domestic violence going on with families in the church today. Establish support groups at church and keep church security alerted. Let members know it will not be tolerated. It will be exposed. We have support groups in churches for alcohol anonymous, weight watchers, etc. – why not domestic violence prevention or support. [After Phoebe’s death, her neighbors said that occasionally they would hear her husband beating her and them arguing. However, no one thought to call the police.]
If at work or school, be observant. There are always telltale signs and symptoms of abuse. Sometimes the victim will start to tell, but will stop. Ask questions, she might open up to you.
"You don't have to be the next victim."
We firmly believe that violence and abuse is preventable and can be stopped. Don’t ignore the signs of abuse. If you see something, say something.