It is not about you, it is about comforting that person. We will all have to travel that road one day. Reach out to that person. Do not wait for him/her to reach out to you. Go visit that person, call, send a card, or if you pass that person at work, store, church, etc., the best thing to say is that you are sorry for their loss, or just give him/her a hug. If you do not acknowledge the pain that they experience, it is as if you did not care about them. However, choose your environment and the timing of your condolences. Do it privately. Do not do it in the middle of a party, or Christmas celebration, etc. Even though the pain is still there, that person might want to focus on something else for a little while, because that’s healing too.

During the early stages of grief, bring a prepared dish over. During that time, the children or other family members still need to be fed, but no one has the energy to cook. While at their home, try to relieve some of their burdens. Clean up, wash dishes, or if you notice that a staple is missing in their refrigerator (milk, eggs, bread) offer to pick it up from the store, organize or store food that is brought in from guests, take out the trash, walk the dog, take the kids to the movies, etc. Things that they would normally do, but they can’t because the grief is so consuming.