Resources
Domestic violence and abuse prevention.
Prevention Tools & Tips for Safety
Empowering Every Human to Recognize and Escape Violence
Our daughter and niece, Stacey Hightower, was a quiet young girl that blossomed into a beautiful woman. She had an infectious smile, and she laughed a lot. She always saw the good in people.
Stacey decided to go to her friend’s private party at a nightclub in her neighborhood. She was murdered by a predator that followed her home. If she would have survived the attack¸ Stacey probably would have given him another chance. That is how she was. She brought so much joy to our family. We are grateful for that. If only we knew her fate, we would have done everything possible to prevent it. Stacey was a living angel.
We believe that 90 percent of the people living in this world are good people. People who have integrity and are hard-working, honest, loving and caring. Then there is the other 10 percent who are demonic and reap nothing but narcissism, evil and destruction. [We are just keeping it real]. We have to do everything in our power to protect ourselves and our loved ones from those people. We can never let our guards down. Listed below are some prevention tools and information.
Our resources and safety tips.
Stop the secrets. It makes you a target. The predator knows you are not telling anyone. Tell at least two people where you are going and who you are meeting with. Give them their names and telephone numbers. [Stacey talked to her mother and told her where she was going that day. Therefore, the perpetrator was caught right away before he could destroy more evidence. The first 48 hours are crucial.]
Give at least two family members or friends your contact numbers off of your cell phone so that they can call your contacts just in case they can’t get in touch with you. Give them your passwords to your cell phone and computer.[This can also be used as evidence to see who contacted you last.] If you live alone, establish a contact person that you can check in with every night. Before you exit your car door to go into your house, call a contact person. Tell that person to stay on the line until you get into your home safely. Also, check around the inside of your home (including windows, doors, closets, under beds and, yes, basement) to make sure that no one is in your home before you hang up the phone.
If you meet someone online, tell or text a friend or family member and let them know who you are talking to and planning a future date with. Give them his/her cell phone number, name and address. Take a picture of his/her license plate and car and send it to your contact person.
- Get alarms installed in your home, apartment or some type of alert device that you can wear around your neck or wrist. [It is not just for senior citizens.] Check with hotels to see if they have panic devices on the phones in the hotel rooms. The predator knows that most apartments do not have alarm systems. Ask your apartment manager if a security camera could be installed outside the apartment buildings.
- Get a cell phone with a GPS system. Keep it activated. Just in case you are missing, you can be tracked. Add an emergency number directly to the police in your contact list so you can press it right away.
- Make sure your cell phone is fully charged before you leave your home. Today so many people are waiting until they get in the car or to another location to charge their cell phones. What if you need it before then? Get into the habit of charging it while you sleep.
- Do not talk on the cell phone while walking in a public area or outside. The minute you walk outside the phone conversation should stop. It makes you a target. It is not that important that it can’t wait until you get to your destination.
- Carry pepper spray, a gun or Taser. There is a pepper spray available online that takes pictures. If you carry a gun, make sure you have the proper license, a gun lock and are trained properly. Most people are afraid to use a gun even if they have one. Also keep a whistle on your keychain, attach it to a lanyard to wear around your neck or a band around your wrist. [You would be surprised how many people turn around and look when they hear a whistle.]
- Your body is a weapon. Join a self-defense class. A man can kill a woman with his bare hands. We are designed differently. They are stronger. Get in shape and do strength training.
- When in an isolated area, always be cautious. People are hiding under cars now. Give the appearance that you are aware of your surroundings. If a criminal sees you walking with your head down or preoccupied with something, it makes you a target. Look at people that walk by you and be very observant.
- Mothers and fathers with small children should always have another adult or older child with them to watch out, especially when they are loading strollers into cars or bending down to secure child seats.
- When someone approaches you and wants to enter your space when you say “No thank you”, it is a sign of danger. When he insists on walking you to the car and helping you with your groceries, it is a red flag. Key words, “I will put the bags down and leave, I promise.”
- Always have your keys in your hand before you leave. Wear a purse that straps across your shoulder. If you are right handed, strap it across your left shoulder so that you can have easy access to it and vice versa. While in the car, lock doors first before you do anything else.
- Always look in your side view and rearview mirrors before you exit your car.
- If approached while exiting the car, throw the keys as far as you can and run.
- Yell “FIRE” if you are in trouble. That will get someone’s attention.
- NEVER, never get into the car and leave with the perpetrator or walk in the house with the perpetrator, even if he has a gun to your head. Scream and try to get away. If he harms you in public, your chances of getting help or to a hospital are greater than if you go to a secluded area. If you are forced to get into the car, jump from the moving car close to the shoulder when the car stops or slows down. If a child protection lock is on the door, bang on the window to get the attention of the person in the next car even if the car is moving. Keep fighting, even if you are being attacked in the car. Someone might see you. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights, stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy.
- Always run from the attacker. If you are not able to run, scream and fight back, and as a last resort, if a gun is close to your body or your child’s body, grab the barrel of the gun, move it away and fight and scream like crazy.
- If you have to go to an event alone, remember, when the predator sees you coming in alone, you become a target. If you go out alone, call someone to let them know your plans and let them know that you will call them when you return home.
- Keep your head up and look at people who sit across from you. Be very observant just in case you are called as a witness. [The witnesses that came forward to testify in Stacey’s murder trial were very observant. They knew exactly what the perpetrator was wearing and driving.]
- Don’t drink too much and do not leave your drink unattended. [We are sure that you heard this before, but it is worth repeating.]
- Don’t be so trusting. If you meet someone while you are out, take a picture of that person with your cell phone or a “selfie” with both of you in it. Send it to a friend with the person’s name or just text someone to let them know you met someone or put it on Facebook. [We text, tweet and Facebook about everything else. Why not about something that will help to protect us.] Also, tell that person that you just met that you had sent his picture to someone — it could stop him from harming you.
- Don’t get charmed. If someone calls you beautiful, remember all women are beautiful in God’s eyes. Besides, you know you are beautiful. Sometimes the person’s intentions are not always good.
- Never go to the car alone, ask the security guard or a friend at the party to walk you to your car. Don’t let anyone approach you while you are alone, even if you think it might be a potential future date. Walk back into the party.
Before you leave an event, always check your rearview mirror and make sure that no one is following you. If so, call someone or the police. - Always circle the block before entering your house, just in case someone is near your house, in your backyard or in shrubs.
- Neighbors should be more proactive and call 911 right away when they hear a scream, noise or gunshot. Don’t just ignore it. We need to take back that village concept. Don’t put yourself in harm’s way, but let the criminal know he is being watched. Turn on your lights, yell out of your window, and bang on the wall. It might scare him off. Think of the victim being attacked as a family member. Do not let it be easy for the criminal to commit the crime.
- Remember you are responsible for you, so do everything you can to stay safe. We all sometimes make bad decisions, but we want to know how to get help when we are in trouble.
- Most men are stronger than woman. We are designed differently. Woman can be over powered. That is why fathers worry about their daughters when they go out on dates. [After Stacey was murdered, the police found an elaborate weight system in the perpetrator’s home. The neighbor testified that she heard Stacey trying to fight him off, but it was not a fair fight. He was too strong for her. He used his weights to get stronger physically. Actually, he was a weak coward, because he used his strength on someone who was no match for him.]
"You don't have to be the next victim."
We firmly believe that violence and abuse is preventable and can be stopped. Don’t ignore the signs of abuse. If you see something, say something.